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About Deviant Artist Jackie StartzellFemale/United States Recent Activity
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Jackie Startzell
United States
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: My fans and my dragon messing up
  • Reading: My writing
  • Watching: whatever is on at 4;:30 AM
  • Eating: ate Ice cream
  • Drinking: water
While it's time to come clean and though I don't know who all might see this I feel that my story should be out there.  So, in sit down and relax for storytime has begun.  This year has been pretty tough on me and my body and to be more specific my weight.  Not many of you really know that last couple months of dropped a decent amount of weight.  To the point where My low was 96, or what I should be near the one thirties.  Now I wasn't given much choice in my treatment and honestly I wasn't given enough time to fix it (well in my own way).  I was left with really want choice, inpatient treatment!  Now that in itself scared me, I never been away from my family for more than a few days at a time and when I was away it was always with someone I knew.  So put yourself in my shoes, new senior year just turned 18 and has been losing weight for a couple months now. This was back in march picture it mean it all the studying for finals you're staring to cram thing you have way to much on your plate.  I can just go away to some treatment facility for who knows how long.  I fall behind in school so much I fear I wouldn't graduate!  Now I also attend to schools in normal high school and vo technical school, so this was a hard for me because our big state test was here.  After much arguing with my Dr. to see if I could get more time to go in after my test.  It became apparent to me I was at a time and a choices.  After a lot of searching it turns out my insurance would only pay for one house close to us, and it turns out it wasn't the best.  I was given a weekend to get my weight back up to where I wanted it turns out I actually gained a decent amount of weight.  I was now up to 102, and that was with carnation instant practices and good eating alone.  What I didn't see was the long haul that was ahead of me, that " two weeks" turned out to be five.  I was admitted to March 13th and I stayed there until April 16th.  The time that I was away from my family was worse than being home I was losing more weight in there that was at home.  The deals were OK at first but then I started a plateau and they got harder BIG TIME!!  After while I stopped really caring anymore, with a counselor that I had wasn't the best had me fighting with my parents and acting like I was the bad guy.  She even accusing me of giving the program a bad reputation and refusing to follow it.  Honestly I feel like I'd left with more problems than I came with.  Readjusting to life was crazy, thankfully I chose spring break to come home so I got a few days to readjust to just being home with my family.  I finally got back to school in the scheduled they wanted me to follow if only made it just that much worse.  I just wanted to be back with my friends and eating actually normal food, trust me cafeteria food so much better.  After a few weeks of catch up I was passing much to my classes.  My weight still fluctuated and I hold a grudge against the Dr. who sent me in.  Now that I'm looking back on this experience I was more traumatized than ever.  I still have some nightmares about some of the events that happened in there.  And a lot of things have changed new boyfriend, new friends, to appoint a new life.  While I can't say I was happy for the time there, or that I really enjoyed it I needed some time to get my head straight.  After a few months I graduated from both schools, and finally on with my life.  Yet things may not be perfect some how we make them work.  I know very close to my normal weight though I keep fluctuating it's bouncing back.  I don't mean to diss any treatment center treatment just wasn't for me.  I bounced back on my own.  Now I am a happy graduate, with a new boyfriend and friends who are willing to support me.  All and all I survived even if they don't see myself as having an eating disorder I survived.  It's taking me awhile to actually come to grips and get my story out there, but I'm taking a risk here and putting it out.  So if anyone you know has an eating disorder or even body issues get smart and speak up find a way to help them even if they aren't ready to help themselves.  Remember we will never walk this life alone are friends and family will support and walk beside us.  I realize that now that but I'm a survivor and a fighter and I will fight for my life.


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umbatman Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2015  Professional General Artist
happy birthday
ChigauSora Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2014  Student General Artist
Thanks you for the :+fav:! :huggle:
Celem Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Hobbyist Photographer
Thanks for the :+fav:on my regal tiger pic :)
termani Featured By Owner Apr 15, 2014
thanks for the +fav Aww
LilNekoKatz Featured By Owner Feb 16, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the fave ^^
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